Is it Tough Being a Friend?

Is it Tough Being a Friend? v4 Chapter 1 Part 2

During dinner, I immediately asked the three princesses to cooperate with the “search for Elmira”.

They’re the generals of the apostles, but unlike the other “Apostles of Hell”, they harbor no ill will towards humans. They’re enemy characters with a pretty special position.

The “Evil Spirit” they pledge allegiance to, Taotie, is infatuated with Ryuuga.

As Taotie’s vessel, I’m also on relatively good terms with them.

They’ve taken a liking to their current lifestyle and have integrated into human society.

However, they haven’t completely reconciled with Ryuuga and the others yet. Hence, the three princesses expressed disapproval at my request for them to cooperate.

“It’s not like it matters to us, does it? Elmira McCartney’s departure is unrelated to us.”

The who’s like the middle child of the three princesses, the level-headed Mion, said that.

This sidetailed, uniform-wearing girl is the “Kobayashi household’s mother” who single-handedly takes care of the housework. The number of side dishes one gets, allowances, everything is under her control…even the “Evil Spirit” Taotie is no match for this hidden boss.

“Leaving that aside, you should concentrate on your extra homework. Sorry, but I can’t brainwash the teachers to help you. That wouldn’t do you any good, Ichirou…”

Next, the one who acts like the eldest daughter, the erotic character Jyuri, spoke.

This large-breasted beauty, who spouts out dirty jokes whenever she speaks, actually has a strong sense of duty despite her appearance. It’s become a matter of concern once she became Oumei High School’s school nurse.

“I hate that vampire as much as I hate Spectacle Man.”

Finally, the one who’s like the third child, Kiki, looked away and said that.

This bobbed hair girl, who speaks somewhat immaturely, is a big fan of a show about the hero “Spectacle Man”. Or rather, she’s a fan of the monsters in it, as she despises Spectacle Man himself.

──These freeloaders are the “Three Princesses of Hell”.

They’re worth a thousand warriors and even have fan clubs in the spirit world. I can’t see it that way though.

“Don’t say that, help me out here. Just telling me how to find her is enough.”

I asked without hesitation while reaching for my third croquette using my chopsticks.

On a large plate were delicious, perfectly fried potato croquettes, cream croquettes, and minced meat croquettes. Mion had definitely won over my stomach.

“If Elmira ends up teaming with Qiongqi, you guys will be in trouble, right?”

“If that happens, I’ll kill her. If Elmira opposes Taotie and you, she will be a target of our purge.”

“Do you understand, Ichirou? Once you’re done with dinner, start working on your handouts immediately. The deadline is tomorrow, you know.”

“Baron Ichirou, it’s bad to only take the meat croquettes. I only ate one of them.”

…It seems that I can’t this battle. In this situation, it would probably be pointless to have Taotie order them. With their intellect, they would talk their way out of it.

With a sigh, we continued eating dinner while sitting in a circle, uncharacteristic of an evil crew.

“Kiki. Eat your spinach. You didn’t touch it at all.”

“My plate has more spinach than everyone else’s. You’re harassing me, Mion.”

“You won’t get bigger if you don’t eat vegetables.”

“I’m not going to grow anymore!”

“You might get taller. Spinach has plenty of iron, vitamins, and beta-carotene. It’s known for being a vegetable complete with nutrients──

“I don’t want to hear your sales pitch!”

The Hokkaido wolf apostle puffed her cheeks like a pufferfish and swung her fork around.

The heron apostle, being on the receiving end of it, made a worried face while looking at me. She glanced at me like she was a wife who had just said “Please say something”.

However, I’m in the middle of a scolding from the king cobra apostle.

“By the way, Ichirou, please refrain from calling me Jyuri at school. In the school infirmary, I am Hebizuka. Don’t mix up your public and private affairs.”

“Well, why don’t you just quit? Quit being a school nurse, I mean…”

“I can’t do that. I took great pains to find a workplace. It seems that being a school nurse was my life’s calling. There are now many students who come into the infirmary for consultation.”

“I know. Thanks to you, there’s no longer a place for people to skip school.”

“So, how many of those handouts do you have left?”

“Eight.”

“That many still? Your handouts and libido are things that you can’t keep pent up!”

“My libido has nothing to do with this! Stop forcing in dirty talk every time you see the chance to!”

“No! You’ll be the one forcing it in tonight!”

“Of course you would change the meaning of what I said! Is this a conversation for mealtime?!”

The yelling between Jyuri and I overlapped with the ones between Kiki and Mion.

“I’m done with spinach! I will live off of meat and sweets!”

“Kiki! No! Ichirou, tell her to mind her behavior!”

“In that case, tell Jyuri to mind her’s! She’s acting like the commander-in-chief of dirty talk!”

“Being an erotic character is also my life’s calling!”

…The Kobayashi household’s dining table is pretty much like this all the time.

It’s not really in a state where we can have guests over.

 

Once our turbulent dinner was over, I withdrew into my room and decided to start working on my supplemental homework.

I told Jyuri that I had “eight left”, but I actually had sixteen to go still. If she finds out about my lie, I’ll get another lecture from Hebizuka. A lecture with many dirty jokes woven in.

(Turning them in a day or two late should be fine, but…based on my experience, I can postpone it for up to three days.)

While thinking as such, I sat down at my desk, which is enough work for me. My concentration was soon interrupted.

I’m guy with no desire to study at all unless it’s something necessary as a friend character.

Homework is a burden. I can’t study in my room when I have access to games, manga, a computer, and a bed. What purpose is there in studying material I will never need?

“…Hey, Tie. Are you awake?”

I tried to speak to the thing inside me, but there was no response from the “Evil Spirit” Taotie.

It seems that he stayed up all night playing video games again. He didn’t appear during dinner either. Taotie’s been completely nocturnal lately. On multiple occasions, I’ve seen Mion get angry at him for rummaging around the refrigerator in the dead of night.

(Right now, he’s addicted to a fantasy RPG…about an ‘Evil Spirit’ who saves the world.)

With a nearly nonexistent concentration, I somehow managed to finish the third handout.

I heard the sound of footsteps, and then there was a knock on the door. A short moment later, the door opened. Peering into the room was the bobbed hair girl who had complained about spinach not too long ago.

“Hey Kiki, what do you need?”

“Eh heh heh. Baron Ichirou, how are you doing?”

The Hokkaido wolf apostle circled around me and then embraced me from behind. I’m suspicious of that tone of voice she’s using.

“I ate my spinach. I did my best.”

“I know. You also snatched my meat croquette while I was still eating it.”

“I should get a reward for finishing my mission.”

…I was trying to figure out Kiki’s ulterior motive.

“Actually, I want to consult with you, Baron Ichirou.”

“I see what’s going on…this is probably about a toy monster figure.”

When I pointed it out, the bobbed hair girl laughed again.

When I first met her, Kiki didn’t display much emotion, but now she does. Perhaps that’s from the improvement to her daily life. Or perhaps she’s just feigning friendliness.

“As expect of Baron Ichirou. Let’s make this quick. The ocean monster Zabazebaze and the strong-armed monster Guogopon are both for sale.”

“Those are some rough names…”

“If I have those two, my collection will be awesome. The underground monster Berberon and everyone else wants more friends.”

“I’m running out of funds though…”

I’m indeed the landlord here, but I’m not the one managing the household finances.

The passbook is under Mion’s control. I bought Kiki a few toy figures from my own tiny allowance.

“I bought you the heat monster Bunogenos a little while ago, didn’t I? Cut me some slack.”

“Baron Ichirou! Are you sane?!”

“I’m pretty sure I am. You already have a lot, so settle down.”

She already has five monster figures. Among them, the underground monster Berberon is her favorite, and she always carries it around in her pouch.

She doesn’t need any more…

“Zabazebaze and Guogopon are monsters that awoke from mankind’s destruction of nature! Baron Ichirou, as someone from mankind, you should be sorry!”

“Even if you say that, it doesn’t mean much to me…”

“Invite those two to your home and apologize!”

It’s a bit sad imagining myself kneeling down in front of some monster figures to apologize.

“Look, Kiki. Eventually, there will be some monsters for sale that you will want more than Zabazebaze and Guogopon, right? What will you do then?”

“Then I’ll eat bell peppers and get them as a reward. From you, Baron Ichirou.”

“Can’t you wait until Christmas?”

“It’s still September! There’ll be monsters I want more than Zabazebaze and Guogopon by then!”

“So you do understand me! Please just settle with five of them for now!”

“Don’t talk like Mion! Mion is the cold-hearted monster Toribaba!” (TLN: Toribaba = Grandma Bird)

Kiki climbed up my back and started ranting.

“──I can hear you.”

We suddenly heard a voice. When I looked towards the source of it, I saw Mion peeking through the crack of the door.

“Ah, aaaaaah…!”

Kiki immediately took cover under the desk.

I understand her feelings. After all, the heron girl released an ill will that far surpasses her usual one. The temperature of the room dropped by about three degrees.

“Hey, Kiki. Who did you call a cold-hearted Toribaba?”

Mion made a smile towards Kiki, who curled up into a ball under my feet. However, her eyes did not convey any positive emotion.

“T, that’s not it. I meant it in a good way…”

“Hmm. Then, come take a bath with this Toribaba. There’s nothing bad between us, so you’ll comply, right?”

“I, I’ll do it. I’ll take a bath.”

…So, Mion dragged Kiki into the bathroom.

Kiki still can’t take a bath alone. Sometimes I enter as well, but I don’t get excited from it, of course. As expected, it’s impossible to get a reaction from a little girl who looks four or five years old.

“I wonder if Kiki’s in her rebellious phase now…”

I heard Mion say that with a sigh as she left.

Apostles have rebellious phases too? In that case, perhaps vampires have a rebellious phase as well.

(Elmira, will you be able to get along with the enemy apostles…?)

At that time, I was really worried.

Unexpectedly, I came across Elmira a few hours later.

I would never have predicted that it would turn into a commotion that the Kobayashi household would get dragged into.


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